i hate....

a question that popped up during Sojourn was "whats one thing you hate." and...i realize that i strongly dislike and almost can't stand inconsiderate people. but then, i can't expect everyone to take initiative in helping out, or in cleaning up. or even just saying "thank you" when someone does something for them. it's annoying when those who haven't helped out yet just stay in their library lounge and chill when others have been working and staying with the kids the whole day. i'm to blame too, cuz i've been part of it, but still. that's why i appreciate people like katie and jashen who continually look for ways to help out.

i've found myself getting more and more frustrated/annoyed at (for lack of words) "older" people lately. i have fun when i'm with the kids, sometimes forced, but nevertheless it works...but then afterwards i'm so tired out it's hard to smile. and i take out the tiredness & stress on the friends around me, or on specific people. i lash out in anger at them, at least in my mind. then i take it back because i know it's not fair to them....and it's not so bad. hmmm...but i guess that's just bottling it up.
i've been tempted to swear many many times this past week or so. i need a word. or maybe "aaarrgh" will do.

Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. [psalm 139: 23-24]

thanks for showing me...but forgive me...Father. "Purify me heart...cleanse me from within, deep within..."