i love...

i hate....

a question that popped up during Sojourn was "whats one thing you hate." and...i realize that i strongly dislike and almost can't stand inconsiderate people. but then, i can't expect everyone to take initiative in helping out, or in cleaning up. or even just saying "thank you" when someone does something for them. it's annoying when those who haven't helped out yet just stay in their library lounge and chill when others have been working and staying with the kids the whole day. i'm to blame too, cuz i've been part of it, but still. that's why i appreciate people like katie and jashen who continually look for ways to help out.

i've found myself getting more and more frustrated/annoyed at (for lack of words) "older" people lately. i have fun when i'm with the kids, sometimes forced, but nevertheless it works...but then afterwards i'm so tired out it's hard to smile. and i take out the tiredness & stress on the friends around me, or on specific people. i lash out in anger at them, at least in my mind. then i take it back because i know it's not fair to them....and it's not so bad. hmmm...but i guess that's just bottling it up.
i've been tempted to swear many many times this past week or so. i need a word. or maybe "aaarrgh" will do.

Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. [psalm 139: 23-24]

thanks for showing me...but forgive me...Father. "Purify me heart...cleanse me from within, deep within..."

^ these dates are really messed up

..and i don't know how to fix it.
[WARNING: long blog ahead]
===============Softball================
(missing Sara, Mary, John, Warren, Timmy)

-I lost the ALBERT patches!!! nooooooooo.....

-O's. this past weekend's game have definitely been my worst, adding up stress from Kidz Camp and pressure from the field. made too many errors...but i'm glad the spirit was kept up throughout the game =)

-Pride was definitely part of it. i kept feeling i was better player than others....and that's where i failed. too many plays i thought i could "wow" people with, but my focus was on impressing people with skill instead of playing for God's glory and his fellowship instead. God p'owned me there. :/

-my first good contact during a game- lined it down center- but i almost hit darren. actually, it hit the flap of his pants, but got out anyways. booooo i could have RBI'd my lil bro too!!

-wooohhooooo O's. some sweet fellowship within the team, the dinners, the strong LUMACLES this season...i'm lovin' it!

-also lovin my immediate O family.....

-trying to decide for MAPs for this season. =)

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-i finished my bowl of tsi ma woo with a fork just now.

-STRESSED spelled backwards = DESSERTS....so bring out the chocolates when you're stressed! woohoo.

-this summer has been so busy (slept in about twice these 2.5 months) with softball and Kidz camp and Winnipeg...so blessed to be able to be involved. learning to be blessed by being a blessing. ><

-praise the God of Relationships...(haha. lost count of how many times i've talked about or shared my point of view of relationships with people this summer.) ((actually, i never did start counting)) praise Him for the beautiful and precious friendships that's been built, strengthened, or even restored this summer.

-i feel sorry for the future boyfriend, if any....cuz he'll have to go through many big brothers. >.<

-this year must have had the best summer internship ever...HAHAH. maybe not in efficiency...but it was...and still is...GOOD TIMES. but...it's over NEXT WEEK!!! :'( love you...AT x 2, SW, EC. and thanks.

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-Summer Sojourn...interesting. exciting to hear from/ about the spiritual lives of certain people i hadn't heard from before...the Hoang Ho messages. So blunt and needed. challenge: what am i going to surrender to God to use for His Glory and kingdom?? i'm learning to give up my competitiveness. i said i wouldn't beat myself up for being incompetent in say, softball, or not being able to do something i never could do in the first place (like hit green). so help me in this, guys!

Scavenge the Flag..(woohoo....we owned that game), yay to chocolate moments, ankie's pulled gastrocnemius that was massaged and stretched for half hour...by john. in a room. al---no just kidding, not alone. >< face="lucida grande">AGAPE within le Daniel fellowhip. and not just that time...but just throughout this year. =) Oh Daniel....you are my sunshine <--singing the song

then the nerf gun wars...O_o fun times. first night...some random nerf action (i hope you washed that cricket nerf gun well, rich), some arm wrestling (is this stuff all that guys do?!) , flip flops in fridge (i GRRRR at that!)...the second night--choice between monopoly or taking pics for nerf gun war. HAH. afterwards had good chat with albert, then in the morning i watched the sunrise with matt.

precious moments that weekend.

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-Quotable quotes: "Your body."-Edwin Call me." -Jerry........wow that's awkward. ah. hah.* ....."If you were a smurf, I'd kick you." -also by Edwin

*Must understand story in order to laugh appropriately!*

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Movies to watch:

Hoodwinked, Superman Returns, X3, Lakehouse, NACHO LIBRE,....anything else?

============Kidz Camp=========================

It gives me energy and joy just to be with the kids and make them feel welcomed and loved. they're so precious, they've got so much potential! arts and crafts been fun...too bad we never got to finish up the beanbag crab.

Carly...so quiet, so sacrificial/understanding...and she gives the BEST MASSAGES! she even does arms! and she's in, what...5th grade????

Dinisha....so mature! she takes care of her little brother well.

Amrit...gotta be one of the most talkative kids ever. but still...SO CUTE!!

Fabiola (actually know 2 people with that name...they're from CR)....sticks to you like fly on flypaper. (HAHA that reminds me , huang's analogy that i didn't understand. "Fly sticks to the flypaper and says, "my flypaper". the flypaper sticks to the fly and says "my fly", but the fly is dead. " anyone care to explain?) she and her sister Julia crave attention SO MUCH. 8[] <--can you see the face???? ya? yea?

Funing....aww i love that kid. He takes initiative when cleaning up, so mature, too! AND he has the word "fun" in his name!

I had the chance to go bowling with the kids today.....it was encouraging to see the little kids being so nice to eachother! when we were deciding who would go in place of Eric (who had left for a walk), "You can go" "No, you can go." "No, you can go." "It's ok, you can go." "Ok thank you."

and they would hold up the bowling balls for the person bowling, so they wouldn't have to reach in to get it. David, Raymond, Amy, and Eric. THEY'RE SO CUTE.

-my shirt is graffiti'd with spongebob, plankton's relatives, and other interesting yet scary drawings. must wash soon.

============1:43 am, Aug 18, 2006============