i had the crappiest of crappy weeks last week or so...not cuz of any event specifically. it was just my mood i think. BUT i've forgotten about it, simply because of an email from a person who cared. i nearly broke down, and spilled it all out.
HONESTY....i'm striving for that. when people ask me how i am, i usually say "pretty good" just so that i'll seem happy. and as much as i want the whole world to suffer my bad mood with me, i'll cover it up. a little lie is just the same in God's eyes, so i'd been telling a lot of lies lately. BUT i'll try to be honest with, well, everyone now.
hmmm. one thing i've been reflecting on is how many really stupid and bad decisions i've made. They're so stupid you wouldn't believe it. "like, WHO DOES THAT?!?!" is my response to most of them. they're my "airhead" moments.
Such as the time when i left the van door WIDE open and didn't even realize it as a skipped happily back home, and the frustrated friend had so go around and close it. (he was tired, it was near midnight) [like, WHO DOEST THAT?!?!]
Or telling another good friend to basically get away from me, right after he'd given me a great birthday gift. my lame reason was cuz "my mom said...." [like, WHO DOEST THAT?!?!]
Or the countless times i'd unknowingly hurt people by ignoring them, or leaving them in the middle of a convo to go talk to more "popular" people, or just people i felt more comfortable with. now that i think about it, i never did feel comfortable with the more popular group.
ANYWAYs. i had another airhead moment today. i was talking to a good old friend of mine, and confessed to him that i'd talked behind his back before and what i had thought of him before. and that hurt him really bad, and i don't even know why i said it. it just 'came out', and trust me it wasn't pretty. just for having kept it going, i needed a good slap. why? just for the sake of having something to say? and i thought it'd better the relationship for not keeping secrets? who knows...i feel so guilty now. i think he was having a bad day too. :(
on a lighter octave (*haha* why's it alway's on a lighter note? this is a whole octave lighter, if you didn't get it), i've learned a lot this week, spiritually and in school too i guess. but school is lower down the priority list.....so spiritually. the biggest thing that stood out to me (courtesy of dear friend mentioned at the beginning) is the when i reject myself, i'm ultimately rejecting God's grace of having brought me to where i am and who i am. reject myself as in putting myself lower than what God intended me to be, or beating myself up for having done or been a certain way. the Lord accepts me just the way i am (although he really loves us too much to leave us where we are...but longs to mold us into the image of his Son). yea, whoever's a longtime churchgoer has heard this many many times...but hey! i finally learned it. :D
Verse of the Day: "But now, this is what the Lord says--He who created you,...He who formed you...'Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name; YOU ARE MINE."
and it links to what i said before, cuz "through jesus christ, God cares for us simply because we belong to Him."
3 comments:
Awww everyones had their crappy weeks, I know I "will" this week coming up but thats just life and we have to deal with it.
Don't worry we make a lot of stupid mistakes, it's just that some of us don't tell hehehe =P
I'm glad you're realizing the "airhead" moments before anything bad happens since many people keep on doing it never realizing until it's too late. However, don't be too harsh on yourself since many people screw up on many occasion. There's a reason why an Eraser was put at the end of a pencil. Same goes with life.
wah dani sorry i didnt chek ur blog in a while but i have to say there are days when everyone does stupid things, i mean who doesn't, its the way of life and we learn from our silly/stupid mistakes by making them but i believe that all your troubles will blow over and that i think its rite to tell your friend that you "DID" talk behind his bak and not now, cuz i think if you want to be friends with people its better to tell the truth even tho it may hurt them a bit but as well it lets them kno you have nothing to hide and they'll as well open up to you as you did to them. Don't worry Dani everyone thinks your great and that you shouldn't let these silly moments get in the way of how you feel/act or lie even so i think you should just let God work his wonders and everything will be fine =)
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